Mukoli

A Near-Death Experience and Path to Light 

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What Moved the Judges

“this [author] has clearly been on a journey not many people take…he doesn’t just stop with his near-death experience, but he tells readers how the experience has changed the ways he has pursued peace in a variety of relationships and settings.”

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My open-heart surgery was successful in crafting veins to bypass the blocked arteries. I was improving and even walked around the neighborhood when my brother and his wife from Washington DC visited us for Christmas. Within a few days, I deteriorated and could not walk unassisted. My wife took me to my cardiologist’s office in a wheelchair. He diagnosed my problem due to pneumonia and prescribed antibiotics. 

It was New Year’s Day 2019, and our neighbors in the Brettonwood subdivision, Decatur, Georgia, were out of their homes enjoying the holidays. I was slouched on the sofa retching any food I had consumed into a pan. I could not move or talk. As the day progressed, I got worse. As the day progressed, my wife and I debated whether to go to the Emergency Room, but we knew that now was the time to act. She called 911 and asked for an ambulance to be sent to our house. I was rushed to the emergency room at Emory St. Joseph Hospital where I had the surgery earlier. 

Dying 

Wall murals in the emergency room depicted the motto of the hospital: mercy. The soft noises from the machines displayed my vitals, and the room was quiet. The doctor walked in. 

“We have checked his hemoglobin count, and it is incredibly low at 3.2; it is normally at 12. He needs a blood transfusion.” said the doctor.  

“What?” gasped my wife and family members. 

“He is losing blood and his condition is critical. Our ICU units are currently full. We will wait and transfer him there.” With that, the doctor left. 

My wife and daughter held my hand but did not utter a word. The doctor’s comments and earlier experiences of witnessing the death of my parents made me realize that my body was giving up its fight and dying. I expected my organs to shut down shortly. My mind was still active and calm.  

“Look after yourself once I am not there. I love you,” I said to my wife. 

“I love you. You will be fine,” she said and gave me a kiss. 

“I love you, my daughter. Please finish the memoir I started.” 

She gave me five kisses, one for herself, one for her husband, two for her daughters, and one for her dog, and reassured me that she would complete it. 

“You will be fine. Do not lose hope,” my brother who lived in Atlanta said with an authoritative tone as though he could command death.  

I smiled weakly at him. “I love you.” I reached for his hand, then told my wife to call my son and his wife. The phone rang, and they answered. My daughter had spoken to them earlier, so they knew why she was calling. 

“I love you. Miss you. My love to your family,” I mumbled. 

Sobbing, he spoke. “I love you, Dad.”  

My daughter-in-law was heartbroken and wished me well.  

Our conversation was not long, but it was full of tears. I wanted to take a long nap. I was ready to leave this world and go wherever all living beings went after death. I felt I was being transported to another place, and incessant coughing garbled my words. The coughing ceased as I closed my eyes and stopped talking. 

Merging with the Light 

Instantaneously, I was transferred to a place where I merged with a bright white light that permeated through all space. I was in a blissful state: a place that is beyond compare, indescribable, beyond misery and happiness.  

From my vantage point as a light hovering over the hospital bed, I did not see any walls or ceilings in the emergency room. It all merged with bright light.  

The emergency room was large, with rooms partitioned off with curtains and a nursing station in the middle of it. Two nurses were sitting in the station writing notes and a doctor was using a computer. Three rooms had patients who were in pain. The walls were white, the tiled floors were scrubbed clean, and an antiseptic smell permeated the place.  

In one of the rooms, I observed an elderly person in his late sixties lying on a hospital bed covered with blankets. Only his face was visible. He looked pale, had greying hair, a bald patch, and a white mustache. He had a large forehead, drooping lips, and closed eyes. Three women and a man surrounded him. One of them, a lady in her mid-sixties, was talking animatedly to the lady in a nurse uniform. That lady was petite, had black hair, wore thick glasses, and had compressed her lips with worry. A younger lady was talking on her phone. Another lady in her mid-sixties was talking to the other older man.  

I was peaceful and tranquil and did not feel any pain or misery as a point of light. Through the endless bright light, animals, men, women, children, insects, mountains, oceans, valleys, stars, and other living and non-living beings were entering and leaving. I mingled with the light and became one with it. My life, achievements, suffering, successes, failures, and material possessions merged with the light.  

There was only a bright light, no differences between person to person, person to animal, and person to inanimate beings. The strife and conflicts that I had witnessed in the world faded into the light. I felt an overwhelming sense of love for all beings.  

The doctor and two nurses left the nursing station and entered the room where the patient was lying down. He ordered the nurses to transfuse blood into the patient. The nurses stood next to the patient. After two hours, they wheeled him into the Cardiac ICU. They covered him head to toe with blankets and only a little space was left through which his face appeared. Innumerable machines were hooked onto him to monitor his condition, and the machines were beeping continuously showing that he was in the twilight zone between life and death. The nurses stood next to the bed checking the monitors and blood flow. They put an oxygen mask on him so that part of the face was covered by opaque plastic. The petite lady was holding his hand and standing next to him throughout this ordeal. The bright light covered everything and permeated everywhere. 

Coming Back to the Body

Suddenly, I was pushed out of the bright light by an unknown force. I descended from being an onlooker and came back into my body.  

As I entered the body, I felt suffocated with several blankets covering me. I opened my eyes, squinted through the blankets, and saw my wife.  

“Hi, I am back,” I mumbled.

She smiled and held my hand. 

I asked the nurse for water. She got a cup full of ice and gave me one ice cube. “Glad to see you are awake. This ice needs to last for an hour. You cannot drink water yet. Savor this. We are happy to see you talk.” 

“It has been several hours since you talked to us, and it is about one a.m. They started blood transfusion in the ER and then moved you to the Cardiac ICU. They have already given you three units of blood,” said my wife. 

Her words surprised me. “I was in a blissful place where there was eternal peace. I saw a bright light and was merged in that.” 

“Please do not talk like that; I want you here. I was praying and am delighted that you are back. We were scared that you may not wake up again. Our daughter is sleeping in the waiting room. Your brother and his wifewent home.” said my wife. 

“I am weak and tired. I am happy that I am here with you, but miss the blissful place,” I said. 

It felt unreal to be back in my body. Now, I had to endure the pain and suffering and keep living. I drifted back to sleep, woke up, and slept again. 

Recovery 

When they discharged me from the hospital, I was in severe pain and experienced mental trauma. It took six months of physical therapy and loving care by my family to recover fully. By January 2020, I started travelling. But the Covid pandemic made us stay home during 2020-2022 with fear and trepidation as to whether we would join the mortality list. We got the vaccines in February 2021 and that made us a bit more optimistic.  

Before my near-death experience, I was accumulating name, fame, homes, and other material goods; as I achieved fame, I was working toward acquiring the next house; this was a vicious cycle and there was no end to it.  

The suffering and recovery brought a new question to my mind that refused to go away: 

What can I do to avoid the pain and suffering in the future and experience the bliss that came with the bright light during my near-death experience?  

This became my new quest as I recovered and interacted with my family and friends. I knew that repeating my life as I had for the past 70 years would not answer this question. I had to transform and find a new path. It was clear that adding to my material possessions was not going to provide me with this experience of bliss; I had to embark on a spiritual journey.  

I read sacred books of the major religions, interacted with religious leaders, and attended religious retreats during the next few years. I discovered that the material on spirituality was vast, and it was not possible to go through all of them in my life. Therefore, I limited my search to those based on my personality, upbringing, and past dispositions.  

I needed to discover the path to liberation for people like me whose body and mind had encountered serious suffering and misery. For 45 years of his life, Buddha said, repeatedly, “I teach only suffering and the transformation of suffering.” His teachings appealed to me, and I read further.  

Path to Liberation in Buddhism

Buddha states that when we recognize and acknowledge our own suffering, we will look at it, discover what circumstances brought it about, and take a course of action that can transform it into peace, joy, and liberation. He called suffering a Holy Truth, because our suffering has the capacity of showing us the path to liberation (light). He taught the Four Noble Truths of the existence of suffering, the making of suffering, the possibility of restoring well-being, and the Noble Eightfold Path that leads to well-being. I wanted to see whether I can integrate these ideas in my life.  

Buddha’s first noble truth is acknowledging suffering. I had to recognize and acknowledge the suffering that I underwent during the surgery and its aftermath. The suffering was intense for six months as I was at home with minimal interactions with the outside world. It took more than a year for the mental agony and distress to quieten down. My blood sugar and blood pressure readings would suddenly go up, and I had to take medicinesto dampen them down. I wore a continuous monitoring system so that when my blood sugar went up, it beeped loudly making me aware of the kind of food that might have triggered it. I depended on medicine, appropriate food, exercise, rest, and the love of my family to bring these under control.  

The second noble truth is the origin, roots, nature, creation, or arising of suffering. I recognized several material and spiritual factors that caused the suffering for me. The material factors were working obsessively on a desk job ignoring the well-being of my body and mind, watching endless news cycles, and participating in dysfunctional social media groups. The spiritual factors were ignoring the reality of life and death and focusing on fulfilling my desire to be recognized as a top researcher in my university. To fulfill that desire, I had to work incredibly hard, leading to high stress. It helped me obtain name, fame, and finances. But I ignored that my body was failing, and my mind was turbulent, fickle, and volatile leading to the health conditions that led to the surgery and its aftermath. The proof of negligence of my body during my career was evident when within a few years after my retirement, I was in a hospital fighting for my life.  

The third noble truth is the cessation of creating suffering by refraining from doing those things that made me suffer. This required a deeper analysis of the material and spiritual factors from the past to make the necessary changes so that I might avoid suffering in the future.  

The fourth noble truth is to follow an eightfold path: Right View, Right Thinking, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.  

The right view was for me to understand the priorities I needed to have after the near-death experience. I realized the importance of potable water in my life; a home that my wife and I relished and were comfortable in; the right kind of food given my diabetic condition; the balance of rest and exercise so that my body was kept in good health; emphasis on breathing so that my blood pressure was under control; fostering relationships that nurtured me; practicing meditation to calm the mind, and realizing that war and peace coexist in the world.  

The right way of thinking was to analyze how I had not dealt with these factors in my past and make necessary changes in the future. The right speech was to cultivate loving speech and sincere listening to bring joy and happiness to others and refrain from causing injury to others. In the past in my rush to succeed and compete, I had caused distress to many people unknowingly; now was the time to reflect and ensure that I did not speak in a manner that was hurtful to others. The right action was to write this essay to describe my suffering, the reason for mitigating the suffering by transforming myself, the discovery of a path to merge with the light that I experienced during near-death experience, and to share these insights. 

The right livelihood was to find a way to earn my living without transgressing my ideals. I was an educator and researcher all my life and it had enabled me to earn a living without transgressing my ideals of acquiring and imparting knowledge in both worldly (avidya) and spiritual (vidya) matters. But I had yearly performance evaluations and had to ensure that the tasks I performed were congruent to the priorities of the college. Fortunately, now I have retired with sufficient finances to pursue a right livelihood without any restrictions.  

The right diligence is to focus on my physical and mental well-being and serve others. I had sufficient knowledge about material and spiritual matters and now was the time to practice. Meditation, service activities, helping others, and reducing my desires has helped me calm my mind and direct it inward.  Right mindfulness involves accepting every person and everything without judging or reactions. It is inclusive and loving. I strive to be mindful, although I still have a long way to go as the mind forms harsh judgements and it takes effort to forget and forgive. Right concentration is to cultivate a mind that is one-pointed toward achieving the goals. I was well known for being one-pointed when I worked on my research projects. A similar one-pointedness toward the spiritual goal of merging with light may result in attaining a blissful state again in this life. 

Following the Eightfold Path 

The near-death experience showed me that I am a spiritual entity that is beyond my body and mind. I saw the need to exhibit love towards others, be unselfish, consider each moment to be holy, and minimize worldly pursuits that do not lead me to the light. It was time for me to pay it forward and help others in need, investigate fundamental questions as to the purpose of life, and be more empathetic toward people. Love needed to be the central theme of my life.  

My wife and I consulted medical specialists and transformed ourselves by drinking more water, moving to a home near our grandchildren, changing our food habits, exercising and resting adequately, practicing breathing techniques, maintaining good relationships, acquiring and imparting knowledge, and managing personal finances responsibly. Instead of focusing on achieving name, fame, and wealth in the external world, I am now focusing inward and spending more time on meditation and spiritual pursuits.  

As a first step, I wanted to create a meditation technique that I could use each day. I attended several Buddhist meditation sessions in a nearby temple, and they did not help me. I looked for help from Hindu texts and monks.  

Path to Light in Hinduism 

Swami Vivekananda in his treatise on Raja Yoga discusses the importance of Pranayama in meditation. Pranayama means controlling the vital forces in one’s body by breathing in, holding the breath, and breathing out. In one Pranayama, he wants us to repeat the Gayatri Mantra, “Divine Mother, let your radiant light permeate all facets—physical, mental, and spiritual—of our existence. Erase any shadows from our hearts and grace us with authentic wisdom.” 

Om is joined to it at the beginning and at the end to show that my soul transitions between waking, dream, and deep sleep states each day.  

I recollected that my parents had taught me Pranayama and the Gayatri Mantra and asked me to repeat it 108 times thrice a day when I was eleven. I did it for a few years and then discontinued that practice as I did not see any value. I now rediscovered the importance of Pranayama and Gayatri Mantra and repeat them thrice a day. The mantra was a prayer to the Divine Mother: I was close to my mother, and it felt good to pray to her and to the Divine Mother. The mantra permeates radiant light on all the three facets of our existence – physical (water, home, food, rest, exercise, and breath), mental (relationships and acquiring and imparting knowledge), and spiritual (finding a balance between the war and peace within the body, in the community, and in our nations). I conclude with meditation. 

Meditation (Dhyana) is when the multiplicity of the waves in the mind gives place to unity and one wave is only left in the mind. Vivekananda provides a technique for meditation, “Think of a space in your heart, and in the midst of that space think that a flame is burning. Think of that flame as your own soul and inside the flame is another effulgent light, and that is the Soul of your soul, God. Meditate upon that in the heart.”   

I saw this meditation technique in action when I attended a session at a Vedanta Retreat in California during July 2025. Swami Sarvadevananda, a monk of the Ramakrishna Order, led the session by asking us to visualize the light in our heart. Then, he wanted us to recite the Gayatri mantra slowly thereby directing thoughts toward the effulgent light. The speck of light in the heart became bigger as it enveloped the community, nations, world, sun, stars, and the universe. The light merged with the Brahman, the unchanging and unmanifested being. We stayed in that stage for a few minutes. After that, by reciting the Gayatri Mantra slowly, the light reduced in its intensity, left the universe, sun, moon, galaxies, world, and directed back at the cavity of the heart. I found this meditation technique to be helpful in calming my mind.  

Another speaker at that retreat, Swami Sarvapriyananda, discussed how Aham Brahmasmi, a famous saying, implies that I am the light within me. He said, “Life is made up of experiences. In each one, some things change, and some stay the same. There is a light within us that lets us observe all these experiences. That light — the witness — remains constant.” 

Swami Chidekananda, a monk of the Ramakrishna Order, in a recent discourse on Raja Yoga said, “Vyasa says the mind can move in two directions: toward growth or toward decline. He compares the mind to a river. Normally, it flows outward through the senses toward worldly things, ending in the ocean of samsara— the cycle of birth and death. But if we lose interest in sense pleasures, this outward flow is stopped. Then, through clear understanding and wisdom, the mind can reverse its direction and turn inward. Flowing in this new direction, the mind moves toward self-realization and liberation.”  

Creating my Meditative Practice  

I meditate thrice a day, and the retreat helped me refine my meditative practices by making the Gayatri Mantra an integral part of it. I meditate on the well-being of my family, my community, my country, and the entire world and plead for their suffering to be lessened and for them to follow an appropriate path to achieve their goals in life. The Gayatri Mantra has become an integral part of the meditation as it reminds me of the effulgent light that I merged with during the near-death experience.  

These changes have kept my body and mind at peace during the past six years. My blood pressure and blood sugar readings have stabilized allowing me to travel to different countries, perform service activities, and enjoy time with my family and friends.  

The near-death experience showed me that there is continuous strife among the many organs in my body, suffering lasts for a long time, and bliss is short-lived. I needed to follow the eight-fold path each day to keep my body and mind at peace and avoid creating situations that make me suffer again physically and mentally. As I follow the path, often I fall, suffer, see where I falter, fix it, and move forward again.   

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