Mukoli

Cynthia G.

CBT Gymnastics

A painting of a forest bathed in dynamic, slanting beams of golden light. Streaks of yellow, green, and turquoise cut through the dark silhouettes of trees, creating a sense of movement as if sunlight is breaking through at dawn or dusk. The textured brushstrokes and layered colors evoke a fleeting, radiant moment in nature, where shadows and light dance together in a warm, ethereal glow.
Artwork: Sha Huang

CBT Gymnastics

“What’s wrong? It’s simple, Cynthia. Life is black and white: either we’re right or you’re wrong. Believe what we believe, and think how we think—no exceptions. Don’t evolve, don’t change. Remain stagnant. Your worldview is our point of view. And always remember: we love you.”

— Sincerely, Your Inner Circle

I am starving myself. I am cutting my wrists

I am creating a false identity.

I surround myself with strangers who I call family and friends.

I am alone, intellectualizing my suffering.

I am abused—sexually, verbally, physically.

I am texting the crisis lifeline.

I am chatting with RAINN.

I am emailing my therapist.

I am sick to my stomach.

I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am exhausted.

I am dressing up for a live performance. I am ready to network.
I am losing my mind—thoughts like a maze, a kaleidoscope, or tic-tac-toe.
XOXO: three assaults ina row. X’s equal trama bonds

I am charismatic, poised, and invisible.
I can’t afford the help I need.
Resources are only given to women with children.
I am single. I am not enough. I am courageous.
I show up for work.
I forget about my mental health concerns.

“Chin up.
Bright smile.
Triggered internally.”

I am not seen, therefore I am not loved.

I am not loved, therefore I am not worthy.
I am now worthy, therefore I am not hopeful.
I am not hopeful, therefore I am not chosen.

I am not chosen, therefore I am abandoned.

I am abandoned, therefore I am an outcast.
I am an outcast, therefore I am misundertood.
I am misunderstood, therefore I am silent.

I am not seen, therefore I am silent.

I am silent, therefore I relinquish my power.

I am powerless, therefore I am frightened.
I am frightened, therefore I am overwhelmed.
I am overwhelmed, therefore I am enraged.

I am enraged, therefore I am depressed.

I am depressed, therefore I am heartbroken.
I am heartbroken, therefore I am ashamed.
I am ashamed, therefore I am hidden.

I am hidden, therefore I am not seen.


Cynthia G. was a participant in the Healing through Expressive Arts workshop conducted at KSU. Cynthia’s piece was inspired by her reflection on how deeply thoughts shape beliefs. Writing for fellow trauma survivors, she invites them to examine their inner narratives with compassion—believing that doing so can break the hold of self-limiting lies. A survivor of multiple sexual assaults and living with PTSD, Cynthia chose to publish under her first name—not out of shame, but to honor the vulnerability and courage in her work. She encourages survivors to engage in “mental gymnastics” with perseverance and hope, cultivating resilient thoughts that open the door to renewal. A lover of nature, dance, film, and mixed media, Cynthia finds healing and freedom in creativity—and invites others to let art be their light, too.

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